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Bad at updating? Me??

Oh dear, I haven't been very good at keeping this going have I?

Since my last update, I've had three more surgeries, bringing the grand total to six, with another one coming up July 10. It hasn't been a fun time, but I suppose it could be worse. It's not an overly painful thing, they keep me very well-medicated in that department, it's not.. uncomfortable? Stressful? It would be so much easier if the hospital was closer to home, but it's 80 miles away in Baltimore so it's this whole huge journey every time. It's so hard to find people to drive me.

I went to court last October to appeal for disability and I won. I get my monthly check and I got my health insurance back so I was able to continue with my treatment. In the time that I was off (over a year) my AVM grew and dug into my skull so it's much more complicated than it was before. In the end, a neurosurgeon will have to remove that piece of my skull in order to fully remove the AVM, and that is very scary to me.

I finally bought a 3DS the other day!! It's mostly for the new Pokemon games but this thing is really so cool. I can finally start trading Pokemon again and really get back into the hobby. I'm still not sure if I like the black/white Pokemon very much? I never finished the game but I plan on doing that now that I can trade and have my own team from the beginning. I really don't like any of the starters. At least the X/Y fire starter looks great. :)

Well, I suppose that's it for today, not a whole lot to talk about over here in Bella-land. :P
JJ's lyme's results did come back a while ago and his levels were scary high. We've had him on antibiotics since then, 50 pills in the morning and 50 in the evening, and he's doing MUCH better. We see him out in the pasture running and bucking and playing like a baby again, and it just makes me so happy. I don't know if we'll put him back under saddle again, or just let him be. I'd really rather they just retire him now. He's young, but his health is really not well, and his feet are in awful shape.

I'm not really as into the horse hobby as I used to be. I stopped riding when I was 16 or 17. I will occasionally let my brother lead me around pony-ride style, but I have way too much fear and anxiety on horseback since my accident. But, you know, I still like to go out and play with the horses, groom them and love them lol. I just don't feel safe on horseback anymore. It makes me sad to think that once Hootie goes off to college, no one will ride Dallas regularly anymore, and she's such a good horse I would hate to see that go to waste.

Dallas will be 5 on Saturday! It's weird that she's grown so fast, we got her when she was 8 months old, she was so small. I didn't realize how big she'd gotten until someone brought a yearling to the farm. I always thought of Dallas as a baby but now she's 15hh or so and she seems so big in comparison. I don't know, I guess she'll always be my baby, lol. :)

Time has been moving so fast it seems, it's almost 2012 now, where did 2011 go?? What have I done this year? it feels like I've spent the whole time in and out of hospital. I went in for my first surgery on March 10. March 10, July 28. Those three surgeries along with tons of hospital trips for consultations and tests and all this ridiculous crap. I feel like this disease is making me waste my life. I'm going to the hospital to be treated so I can have a longer life, and spend it doing what, going to the hospital?? It seems silly. Sometimes I feel like it would be better to not have treatment, die young, but spend the time actually enjoying myself and not being subjected to surgery after surgery for the rest of my life.

I don't know, I guess that's kind of emo of me to be thinking like that.

But despite that, I really am happy with my life. I couldn't really ask for much more than what I have.



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